Post by Anarchist86ed on Jul 3, 2018 19:06:43 GMT -6
The long lost classic from 2001. Friends long gone. Jokes long since out of date.
The following is not based on actual events. Some dramatic re-creation was necessary to protect certain individuals identity.
BOOK OF UNREQUIRED SEQUELS
TITLE CARD
And silence. White words again appear in the darkness:
EIGHT MONTHS AFTER BOOK OF SHADOWS BOMBED
Then MUSIC starts to be HEARD.
Classic '50s Sinatra SWELLS to an ear-shattering level:
FRANK SINATRA
(V.O)
"Those fingers in my hair That sly come-hither stare That strips my conscience bare It's Witchcraft..."
As the music continues to BLARE...
SMASH UP ON:
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
An AERIAL SHOT of a VAN zooming down Maryland Route 70 West. Hand-painted on the side we see the words:
The Blair Witch Fan Club Tours.
The MUSIC is coming from inside the Van.
NEPTIN
(O.S.)
Could you turn that down just a hair?
INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS
TIGHT ON the Driver, a grunged-out 20 year old kid. He wears a ratty wool cap on which the words "Blow Me" have been scrawled in felt-tip. His name is J.
J
Just trying to set the mood for the mission.
PULL BACK to reveal...
THREE PASSENGERS in the Van: one male, two female.
First we jump to DUSTIN "NEPTIN" SHELBY.
NEPTIN
I know, and it's awfully sweet, but I feel like I'm gonna toss. To much baskin robins and cheap liquor, dude.
LUNA
Eeeeeeew you have booze and ice cream as a combo?.
The woman turns to Neptin and they share a knowing look.
J
Hey, no need to explain, guys. Your comfort is not my concern.
J pumps up the music and grabs his MICROPHONE and flips into tour-guide speak.
J
(CONT'D)
...That's right friends, for two luxurious days and nights, my friends, you will walk the same paths the Witch herself once walked, sleep on the same soil where her victims' blood was spilled, possibly losing your own souls in the process.
He muses. Then asks:
J
(cont'd)
Is that over the top?
LUNA
Too cute by half.
NEPTIN
Oh, c'mon, Luna, it's exciting.
J
Right. Well, thank you for being part of the inaugural tour of The Blair Witch Fan Club!
Neptin looks a little puzzled.
Luna
Inaugural?
NEPTIN
You mean you've never done this before?
J
Hell no.
LUNA
Mmm... That's not what your website said.
Luna WHIPS out a sheet of paper downloaded from the 'Net.
LUNA
(CONT'D)
"Over 10,000 satisfied customers."
J
That's my porno site, what did you expect?
LUNA
Oh. Well I meant the fan club but...
Neptin MOANS. Turns a little green.
LUNA
(CONT'D)
You okay?
NEPTIN
Yeah, I'll be alright. It's probably just Jack Daniels.
J
Not unusual -- everyone feels nervous the first time they're on camera.
J reaches for A SWITCH by his sun visor, and suddenly we're seeing the entire interior of the Van.
INT. VAN - DAY
ON VIDEO: Via a slightly curved, almost fish-eye lens, much like "Taxicab Confessions." Luna is fascinated. She stares into the camera.
LUNA
Whoa... what's this?
J
Just like karaoke, everyone gets a tape when they leave: your own personal video diary, shot and edited by yours truly.
LUNA
I love karaoke.
J
Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. LUNA SEA. She goes by her user name.
(aside to camera)
The dude in back being Mr. Dustin Shelby.
A young woman with a mane of blonde and brown hair, Coffin rock, 25, pops her head up from the lap of the drivers seat.
Coffin rock
What's going on?
J
Thank you, Tina!
(into camera)
Not only a hottie, but she sucks like a hoover.
Coffin rock
(proudly makes slurping sound)
--Neptin starts to look green again.
J
Too bad she's married!
LUNA
J, turn off the camera, please. Turn it off or
he's gonna puke!
J
Really? Cool.
Just as Neptin pulls a barf bag to his face, but it's too late. Neptin pukes all over the back of the van.
J
MAN!
INT. VAN - LATER - DAY
Doing a relaxed 35 down the narrow, rural ribbon of Route 17. Rural farm country. The weather's turned grey making all the 19th Century vintage houses they pass look dismal, if not a little foreboding.
J
Smells like puke and booze in here now, good job!
LUNA
Look at this place: it's like traveling back in time.
COFFIN ROCK
The good old days: toasting marshmallows over a burning witch.
LUNA
They never burned witches in this country, they hanged them.
COFFIN ROCK
Last woman executed for witchcraft in this country: Benton, New Mexico, 1928. By fire. Get your facts straight.
J
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. We didn't come out here to talk about french fried witches, we came out to get drunk and have a mysterious night of boozing and orgy's.
NEPTIN
Whoa: check this out!
Ahead of them, at a crossroads, is a sign: "Welcome To Burkittsville".
LUNA
Thought all those got stolen.
J
Sheriff Dream Shadows thought it was safe to put new ones up again.
NEPTIN
Think again. I gotta have that in my bedroom. Pull over.
J slams down on the accelerator. The Van jerks past the sign and down the road.
J
Sorry. Crime on your own time. Dreamy is just dying for an excuse to bust my ass again.
And now J begins to slow the Van.
Luna
Whoa, whoa, whoa, why are we stopping?
J
This is where your other tour-mate asked us to meet her.
They all look up at the sign on the arch just off the road: Burkittsville Union Cemetery
J
(CONT'D)
She's a little weird. She's a hooker or some shit.
EXT. THE CEMETERY - JUST AFTER
The four of them spread out all over the graveyard, searching the gray horizon. J walks with his Video Camera.
LUNA
When's the last time you talked to her?
J
Corner of fifth street three days ago.
COFFIN ROCK
You sure she didn't just change her mind?
J
Bitch better not have, I payed her ass 200 bucks.
(bellows)
Kim, for chrissake!!
Then, out of nowhere. Plunging from the earth we see...A HEAD.
It extends into the air not far from them. Paper-pale.
KIM
Present.
They approach a CRACKED, granite grave marked "TREACLE".
Atop the plot we find a YOUNG WOMAN finishing servicing a tourist he zips up and walks away. She wears all black, but she has red hair. Her name doesn't really matter.
J
Kim?
KIM
Yes.
J
I'm J.
KIM
No shit.
LUNA
What're you doing there?
KIM
Trying to find some tissue.
COFFIN ROCK
Cool!
NEPTIN
(Hands her a handy wipe)
J
You want a hand up?
KIM
I want lots of needle drugs.
J helps her up.
J
Weed is what I've got. Cheap beer and condoms I'm gonna buy.
KIM
Both. Fast.
EXT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - JUST AFTER
The Van brakes to a halt in front of a small, rundown store in a block lined with equally decrepit stores. J jumps out.
LUNA
Here? You drove right by a Safeway 2 miles back.
J
That was in Burkittsville. I don't shop in Burkittsville. I don't even buy my hookers there.
Kim jumps out of the Van.
KIM
Beer. Buy. Now.
J
Beer. Inside. Come.
He holds the door to the store open for her, they walk in.
INT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - JUST AFTER
J wheels a shopping cart down the two aisles of the place, plucking junk food, condoms, antibiotics, et al. from the shelves. Kim straggles slightly behind him, a five-pack of malt liquor slung over her shoulder. The sixth can is at her lips, nearly guzzled empty. There's a handful of LOCALS in there shopping as well. And not one of them fails to glare at Kim, clearly some of them recognize her.
KIM
One helluva a town you got here. What century they living in?
J
In-breeders.
A large TURNIP-SHAPED WOMAN waddles by them, her eyes zapping lasers of disgust at Kim. As she passes, we see that her entire cart is filled to the brim with boxes of pizza rolls and bottles of cheap liquor.
J
Hey, Kim, go for it. Once you go fat you don't go back.
KIM
(trips over Rustin Parr, repairing the store refrigerator)
Excuse me!
RUSTIN PARR
Don't I know you?
KIM
So where we going first?
J
Ruins of the Rustin Parr house.
KIM
The guy who heard the voices to kill, right?
J
Seven little kids worth.
KIM
Yeah. I hear voices all the time. Do this bitch, lick that, put it in there.
EXT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - SIMULTANEOUS
Lunas sitting quietly in the Van. Then she senses someone near her. Someone watching. As she turns, Luna nearly JUMPS out of her skin. STARTLED.
There is a woman standing just outside her window.
And we recognize her as the infamous...
DIVINE BROWN.
She's just standing there on the other side of the glass.
Looking right at Luna. Waiting.
LUNA
Jesus.
Luna rolls down the window.
LUNA
(cont'd)
Is there som--
DIVINE BROWN
Yo you be seein' J anywhere? Mothafucka owes my ass 80 bucks for some hand manipulatin'. You see his ass you tell him I'm lookin' for him.
Divine takes a moment. Then turns and walks away.
LUNA
(shell shocked)
Divine Brown.
NEPTIN
Hugh Grant Divine-Brown? Shit, that reference is old
even in 2001.
Coffin Rock grumbles from inside the Van:
COFFIN ROCK
She was a hooker in Hollywood.
INT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - CONTINUOUS
The Female Cashier's nameplate says PEGGY. She's ringing up J's purchases, her eyes never leaving Kim.
(Peggy to Kim)
Don't I know you?.
EXT. EDGE OF WOODS - LATER - AFTERNOON
The van is parked at the edge of the woods. Back-packs being hauled out of the rear, tons of camping gear, et al.
COFFIN ROCK
We really need all this shit for a walk in the woods?
J
I provide all the amenities while you risk certain death and dismemberment.
LUNA
Give it up!
NEPTIN
And what's up with all this camera stuff?
He's pointing to the massive amount of video equipment now being yanked from the Van.
J
To record all occult phenomena that may manifest in the course of the tour, or sexual goings on.
COFFIN ROCK
Wow--you're really running bullshit-central here, aren't you?
J
Hey, if you don't believe in the Blair Witch, why did you bother to come?
COFFIN ROCK
(shrugs)
I thought the movie's were cool.
EXT. THE WOODS - DAY
The five of them, laden with backpacks, slog up a series of hills. J is leading the way with Coffin Rock and Luna.
LUNA
How much further?
J
I dunno.
Lagging behind are Kim and Neptin.
NEPTIN
So how far along are you?
KIM
What do you mean?
NEPTIN
The baby. How many weeks?
KIM
Six...
NEPTIN
You don't want to keep it, do you?
KIM
(dumbfounded)
NO, I won't be able to work. I'll just get another abortion.
TIME CUT TO:
EXT. DEEP IN THE WOODS - LATER
The group traipses through the tall grass and brush. They've been walking for a while, now. We can see it on their faces.
Kim lags behind, rolling her eyes back and shaking her head as the others pass the time with a game of Blair Witch Trivia.
LUNA
Number of victims the Witch has allegedly taken to date?
J
Sixteen.
NEPTIN
Is that your final answer?
J
Yeah.
NEPTIN
Hah, wrong!
LUNA
Correct answer: unknown. They never tallied exactly how many kids Elly Kedward lured out of Blair and into the woods.
J
(Annoyed)
I DON'T CARE!
COFFIN ROCK
I got one: the reason Rustin Parr said he killed all seven children except Kyle Brody?
NEPTIN
Too easy: The witch told him he wasn't one of them.
J
(Very Annoyed)
SHUT UP!
EXT PARR RUINS - MUCH LATER
TINY HAND PRINTS cover the ancient stone wall. On the other side of the ruins, we SEE THE GROUP approaching. They're still debating trivia questions.
COFFIN ROCK
Shack in the Black Hills.
NEPTIN
Where in the Hills?
LUNA
There's no record.
J makes a blowing his brains out with a gun gesture.
They all look up: through the trees, the ruins of an old house
can be seen.
NEPTIN
(joking)
Omigod...Josh!!!
J
(runs after him shaking the camera)
Josh! Josh!
EXT. PARR RUINS - CONTINUOUS
POV CAMCORDER: A huge bite taken out of one of the walls of the foundation, stone, brick and soil strewn everywhere around it.
J
(O.S.)
Welcome to the Parr ruins, ladies and gentlemen and hooker. It's supposed to be the location where they found Heather's footage.
NEPTIN
(O.S.)
Buried deep under years of soil and ash.
J
As a result of time travel I might add.
COFFIN ROCK
Damn, the art department did a killer job.
CUT TO - CAMCORDER POV: On one of the foundation's interior walls: a gobbledygook of tiny HAND PRINTS and strange, angular GLYPHS.
NEPTIN
(O.S.)
These markings are incredible...ancient witches' alphabet.
LUNA
What? No it's not. Looks like recent graffiti to me.
J
Naw, really? The spray painted words "gay lords rule" wasn't a clue?
COFFIN ROCK
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW. Gay people were here? Don't touch anything that looks gooey Or you'll get the aids.
NEPTIN
Okay... I thought J was disturbingly homophobic, but...
(beat)
And what's the story with this tree?
J
Huh?
COFFIN ROCK
Look behind you.
THROUGH THE LENS...
The camera WHIPS around.
J searches for the tree. But he can't seem to find it. He's disoriented.
J
Oh I wouldn't worry about it. We won't find out the truth about it till we reverse our tapes in a couple days.
They start walking away from J.
EXT. THE PARR RUINS/CAMP SITE - LATER - DAY
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! A HAMMER slams into a tent spike. Drives it deep, right into the ground.
KIM
(O.S.)
Hey... Luna? CATCH!
Luna WHIPS around. A BEER is FLYING right at her. She effortlessly plucks it out of the air. CRACKS it open.
LUNA
Can you give me a hand with these stakes?
Luna takes a pull from the beer. Tosses Kim a stake.
AROUND THE FOUNDATION -- SAME TIME
J sets up his VIDEO CAMERA. Aims it carefully. Neptin helps with a tripod.
NEPTIN
What do we need five cameras for.
J
I'm personally hoping for an Elly Kedward sighting.
(beat)
Got these real cool cameras that like do different stuff... Something makes a visit, we're gonna catch it.
NEPTIN
Good -- I can use it in my book.
J
(beat)
What book?
Neptin turns. Spots Coffin rock working alone at her tent.
COFFIN ROCK'S TENT SITE -- SAME TIME
Coffin's walking in a CIRCLE where she plans to set her tent.
NEPTIN
Jeez I thought full blondes were dumb, but...
NEPTIN
You're not chewing gum at the same time, are you?
COFFIN ROCK
Huh?
NEPTIN
So what are you doing?
COFFIN ROCK
Communing with Elly Kedward.
NEPTIN
The Blair Witch? I thought rednecks embraced nature, not evil.
COFFIN ROCK
No, you don't understand, Elly was a good witch. She was an earth child, like me.
(beat)
She's gonna be my mentor.
NEPTIN
You've spoken with her?
COFFIN ROCK
Do I look psychic or some shit?
NEPTIN
You ever see her picture?
COFFIN ROCK
I don't think there are any.
NEPTIN
Oh, yeah. I found one. Check it out.
Neptin digs in his backpack and comes out with a small spiral notebook. Flips to a page where a Xerox copy of a PENCIL DRAWING has been pasted in: A plain woman in a bonnet with only one eye: Elly Kedward.
NEPTIN
(cont'd)
I think it was drawn just before they banished her from Blair.
COFFIN ROCK
Looks like one of my redneck next door neighbors.
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
WHOOSH! FLAMES burst to life. It's the perfect CAMPFIRE.
The group sits around the fire swapping stories. Alcohol flows. Weed burns. We're hearing pieces of conversation. Intimate little moments.
We WHIP to...
NEPTIN
He pulls at his crotch.
Takes a swig from his beer.
NEPTIN
Shit, I think I have chiggers.
(beat)
Anybody else have chiggers?
We WHIP AROUND to...
J
You ever try to piss out a campfire?
(beat)
Doesn't work.
LUNA
Cowboys do it all the time.
J
Bullshit. Cowboys kick dirt on fire. Throw their coffee on it -- piss burns. It's a disgusting smell.
(beat)
Think about it... Hot piss.
We WHIP BACK AROUND to NEPTIN
NEPTIN
Maybe it's a tick bite. My joints really hurt. Does anyone elses muscles hurt?
We WHIP AROUND to...
Coffin rock lighting Kim's CIGARETTE.
COFFIN ROCK
You know what I could never figure out?
KIM
What's that?
COFFIN ROCK
Blair Witch Project... Three people, two guys and a girl, sleeping in the same tent, night after night...
(beat)
And no fucking.
KIM
Yeah, no shit. I coulda made $300 easy.
COFFIN ROCK
Made no sense. Scared out of their minds, and the greatest stress reliever is right at their fingertips. And nothing.
J butts into the conversation.
J
I'm a little stressed.
COFFIN ROCK
Hey, you bought a hooker.... Use it...
WHIP AROUND to...
LUNA
What smells like hot feet?
NEPTIN Quietly replaces his sneakers.
We FOLLOW THE JOINT as Luna passes it to Coffin. She's deep in debate with Kim.
KIM
We are a persecuted minority! I mean we are employees of the oldest profession in the world.
KIM
People fear what they don't understand.
COFFIN ROCK
No shit. Some people think I'm retarded because I have some blonde hair.
KIM
I'm normal.... I just fuck men and women for cash.
COFFIN ROCK
Do my boobs look small? Maybe it's just the weed..
KIM
Let me feel...
(She proceeds to feel up Tina's boobs)
We reveal that J's been oogling the two, and the wheels begin to turn behind his eyes.
J
This is so ironic.
(Watching)
I think I can help.
(cont'd)
I wanna explore the elements of your culture Kim-- Hookin... A way of life.
KIM
Nice.
J swallows hard.
KIM
(cont'd)
"For I am that which is found at the end of desire."
WHIP AROUND to... Neptin and Luna. Neptin downs A BEER.
They're having a quiet conversation amongst themselves.
LUNA
You smell it too, right? I mean it's not just me?
NEPTIN
Ummmmm, yeah.
LUNA
Smells like burnt cheese...
We WHIP AROUND to...
J and Kim.
J
"Hookin: A Way of Life."
(beat)
A documentary, all true, all real, all video. Video never lies -- film does.
WHIP AROUND to LUNA...
LUNA
(Searching for that smell)
Cheese and feet. That's the smell. What in the hell is causing that?
WHIP AROUND to...
NEPTIN He's talking with Kim.
NEPTIN
...How do your parents feel about having a bisexual hooker for a daughter?
KIM
My father's a raging drunk in a one church town back in Illinois. Take a guess. And my mother is living with some transsexual out in Las Vegas.
NEPTIN
That's a bummer.
Neptin polishes off his beer. Throws the empty into the fire. He then CRACKS open another beer.
Awkward silence.
(then a loud sound)
COFFIN ROCK
(frozen in fear)
What the hell is that?
Suddenly, everybody stops.
There is an awkward silence.
J
I heard it too.
And as they catch a breath, we HEAR the sound again. And it appears to be coming from the woods. Some kind of RUSTLING.
KIM
There it is again.
LUNA
Jesus Christ. What is that?
J stands.
EXT. PARR RUINS - CONTINUOUS
J DASHES out with his little camcorder already whirring.
He RUNS right into a flood of TWO BLINDING LIGHTS.
J
Jebus H Cripes!
Haloed in the glare of those lights, we see...
TWO LARGE TEENAGERS.
They scream of STONERS. One of them's got a huge running Beta-Cam on his shoulder. And behind them stand an ASIAN couple and a GERMAN tourist in spanking new designer outdoor-wear. They murmur amongst themselves in a language we don't understand.
We see J from the POV of these guys' camera:
EXT. PARR RUINS - NIGHT
POV BETA-CAM - VIDEO
J shooting back at them with his puny-by-comparison camcorder.
STONER #1
Check this out: Burkittsville's Funniest Home Videos.
Coffin rock JUMPS up. Gets right in the lens:
COFFIN ROCK
Hey, you guys really scared the shit out of us!
EXT. PARR RUINS - NIGHT
CUT BACK TO - FILM:
Stoner #2 Cameraman SNAPS the Beta away from her.
STONER #2
Hey, this's 50 grand worth of merchandise, bitch--mitts off!
COFFIN ROCK
You gave me a heart attack!
STONER #2
You know we made your every wet dream come true.
Coffin glares at the stoners.
J
What do you think you're doing here?
STONER #1
Makin' a film... The naked witch project, whats your excuse?
J
Tour group: "The Blair Witch Fan Club tours."
STONER #1
Oh, dude, I don't think so...That is so not happening.
STONER #2
We got jurisdiction, here, man... We got permits.
J
From Dreamy? Bullshit. Let me see 'em.
STONER #2
They're in the car.
J
Bullshit.
STONER #1
Let's put it this way: one of us is leaving, and it's gonna be you, ya' little bitch.
COFFIN ROCK punches him in the balls.
STONER #1
(moaning)
Fuck!
J
Guess we'll find out who's stayin after your balls fall off!
Neptin and Luna come running over:
LUNA
Wait, wait, wait -- What's going on here?
LUNA
(CONT'D)
I can settle this...Just give us 'til dawn and we're gone. We're cold, we're tired, we're shook...
(Luna starts weaving a lie)
Think about it. Coffin rock is perfect at night lots of flat space to do it on.
J
(catching on)
Yeah... I took a hooker up there once. Sweet man.
STONER #1
(very interested)
I don't know, I don't know--
Now even Kim joins the prevarication party.
KIM
Oh, yeah, nice and flat perfect for bending over.
FOREIGNER #1
(impressed)
Ohh...
FOREIGNER #2
Can we do it there?
The Three Tourists nod enthusiastically, chattering in their native tongue.
STONER #1
Whatever, Greta. It's your ass gonna get pounded. Hey buy the video when it's out, the naked witch project!
And in a FLASH, the tour group DISAPPEARS into the darkness.
J Writes down the title.
LUNA
They were never seen again. Their footage was found a year later, and whent straight to video.
Tired laughter. Except:
J
I don't trust they're not coming back -- they're gonna be pissed we took the foundation tonight.
LUNA
I don't think it's anything to worry about, but we're gonna be up all night anyway, let's just keep our eyes open.
Kim lies against the foundation, watching where the Stoners disappeared.
KIM
They're not coming back.
LUNA
And why do you think that?
KIM
I just do. Porno movies take a long time to film... I know.
As the group settles, Kim lies back. And for a moment... Silence.
Finally, Kim catches her high. And so she just sits there, alone. Gazing up into a tree. Then we see what Kim's looking at: A GREAT HORNED OWL. And the owl's just starring right back at her. Kim. chucks a beer bottle at the owl scaring it away.
FADE TO BLACK
FADE UP ON:
INT. LUNA AND NEPTIN'S TENT - DAWN
Neptins eyes pop open. Light's beginning to be seen on the horizon as it's now dawn. He looks over to Luna who's asleep in her sleeping bag.
NEPTIN
Shit.
He rubs the sleep from his eyes, reaches into his sleeping bag and grabs a big rolled-up bath towel.
EXT. THE WOODS - JUST AFTER
It's beautiful. The sun's starting to filter through the trees. Neptin makes his way down a slope toward...
A STREAM.
He wades into the cold water without a wince. Takes the rolled-up towel and submerges it into the stream.
NEPTIN
See her complain about my feet now.
CUT TO:
INT. NEPTIN AND LUNA'S TENT - DAWN
Neptin's eyes pop open. Light's beginning to be seen on the horizon as it is now dawn. He looks over to Luna who's asleep in her sleeping bag.
NEPTIN
Shit.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE TENT - DAWN
Neptin steps out of the tent. He looks down to his feet. It was just a dream. Or was it?
But as Neptin is looking down, something falls to his feet...
A SMALL SHRED OF PAPER. Like confetti. Then another, and another. Neptin looks up to see that it's snowing white paper. Thousands of TINY SHREDS OF PAPER dance in the wind. They cover the ground. Everywhere.
J
(O.S.)
FUCK!!!
EXT. THE PARR FOUNDATION - SIMULTANEOUS
The others STAGGER from their tents.
COFFIN ROCK
What's going on?
She stops herself. Sees what the others see.
THE ENTIRE SITE HAS BEEN TRASHED.
All five video cameras are gone. WRENCHED from their tripods.
It's a surreal site. Tiny white paper falling everywhere. And for the moment, nobody says a word. They just stare blankly at the scene. Luna plucks a shred of the paper from the air.
She doesn't recognizes it.
LUNA
What the hell is this?
NEPTIN
(Picking up a piece of the paper)
As Asian man #1 takes Greta from behind by surprise, Asian woman #1... Rest is missing...
Luna turns. Neptin's at the tent holding a box full of empty FILE FOLDERS and loose-leaf NOTEBOOKS.
NEPTIN
(CONT'D)
What the hell is this?
J
Where are my Goddamned cameras? Oh shit man. I was taping over some... Incriminating evidence!
LUNA
Hey this sounds kind of like a script!
COFFIN ROCK
Yeah I wish WE had one of those.
J
Where the hell was everybody??? I thought we were staying up all night!?
COFFIN ROCK
Guys... Where's Kim?
J
(accusingly)
Yeah, where is that bitch?
They look up and don't see her anywhere around.
J
This does not happen to me! Fuckin' whores man. Bitch didn't even blow me!
LUNA
We must'a fallen asleep.
J
Asleep? Ya think? Really?
COFFIN ROCK
Last thing I remember was that porno film group.
J
Those dick-smokers did this! Who the hell else could it've been?
NEPTIN
They came back from Coffin Rock and fucked us!
A moment of silence.
J
(shouts into the woods)
Well I sincerely hope that's not true, but...YOU PRICKS, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!
And then out of nowhere...
NEPTIN
At least you still have the tapes.
LUNA
REALLY? Where are they?
NEPTIN
The tapes. They're still here.
J
Stop fucking repeating yourself and tell me where they fuckin' are.
NEPTIN
There.
Neptin points to a section of THE FOUNDATION. The others just look in amazement.
COFFIN ROCK
Where they "found" the Blair Witch tapes? You've got to be kidding!
Luna doesn't believe it.
LUNA
Oh, c'mon -- Why would they be in there? News Flash everybody ... Those were just movies. This is just a bad parody.
NEPTIN
I don't know why, Luna.
J doesn't want to believe him either, but he's curious. He SLOWLY walks over to a SMALL HOLE in the foundation. Crouches down. Peers inside...
NEPTIN
(CONT'D)
Under the boards , under the rocks.
It's pitch BLACK.
J
There's nothing in here.
NEPTIN
(almost a dare)
Reach inside.
J takes it as a challenge.
But he still looks extremely reluctant.
God knows what's CRAWLING AROUND inside that old foundation.
COFFIN ROCK
Well?
Very cautiously, J REACHES INSIDE...
NEPTIN
(sits down)
I don't feel so hot.
The others watch in anxiety.
LUNA
Anything in there?
And then, J pulls out A GRIMY VHS TAPE. Then a BETA tape and 8MM CASSETTES too. And a small black rubber thing shaped somewhat like a certain male organ.
COFFIN ROCK
Jesus Christ...
J
(Dropping the thing)
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
NEPTIN
(In pain)
I think we should leave. Somethin's backin' up on me man.
But J doesn't respond. He just turns to NEPTIN.
J
How'd you know...?
NEPTIN
I don't know... I just --
COFFIN ROCK
Are they yours?
J
Did you put them there? Did y--
COFFIN ROCK
J, are they your tapes?
J
(snaps)
Yes, they're my fucking tapes, Tina!
COFFIN ROCK
Then why are they still here?
(beat/scared)
Why is all the equipment trashed. The cameras are gone, but the tapes are left behind?
LUNA
She's right, J, they'd want to fuck up your tour footage.
Neptin looks terribly upset. Like he's about to burst into tears.
NEPTIN
Guy's, I wanna leave.
J
(Putting a lighter to the tapes hoping they may burn for some reason)
Come on you bastards, burn!
Suddenly, J stops. Thunderstruck. He looks past Luna, at Neptin.
Then everybody turns.
Neptin sits on the foundation, alone. SHIVERING. After a moment, he looks up to the group. A TEAR rolls down his cheek.
Luna covers her mouth.
COFFIN ROCK
Oh, fuck...
Then Neptin sees what everyone else sees. He looks at his pants. He smells something like everyone else.
A moment.
LUNA
Jesus Christ, Did you just crap your pants, dude?
SLAM CUT TO:
EXT/INT. VAN - DAY
J's van SCREAMS down the road.
TREES and BRANCHES fly by as it passes.
IN THE BACK OF THE VAN...
We see Luna holding Her hand over her mouth.
LUNA
Damn, boy, what did you eat?
J
I'm driving as fast as I can! Open some windows for christ sake!
COFFIN ROCK
How far's the hospital?
J
Brunswick... I don't know, a couple miles.
ON THE ROAD AHEAD...
J's PASSING A TRUCK.
And an APPROACHING CAR is right in front of him.
At the last minute he SWERVES to avoid a head on collision.
WHAM!!!
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY
A GURNEY carrying Neptin BURSTS through double doors. Neptin's still TREMBLING. A NURSE sees the commotion.
NURSE
(Noticing the foul odor)
Doctor...
The group HURRIES down the hallway.
DOCTOR
Christ we gotta get this guy clean and pump his stomach...
(to Luna)
How did he get so sick?
LUNA
I don't know. We were just camping...
The voices soon become quite cluttered. As the CHAOS SWELLS, the sound drifts away.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY
It's a surreal sensation. We're bombarded by SILENT images.
Pieces of the rising insanity all around us. SCREAMING doctors... FLASHING lights... Neptin's QUAKING body. And we can't HEAR any of them. It's almost dreamlike. Nightmarish.
CUT TO:
Black. We sit in darkness for an eternity. It's an awkward contrast. Comfortless.
FADE UP ON:
J
He doesn't say a word. Just stares straight ahead.
We see that he's inside...
INT. E.R. WAITING ROOM - DAY
And Sheriff Dream Shadows sits across from J.
Dreamy
...We can sit here all night if you like.
J
I said I don't know.
Dreamy stares at J.
Dreamy
Doctor thinks it's Lactose intolerance.
(beat)
'Course the way I see it, you're the one who brought him out here, you took him into those woods -- he's your responsibility.
J
Are you charging me with something?
DREAMY
I'll wait and see what happens to the boy.
J
Hey, I'm the one who should be reporting a crime here. All my equipment was destroyed...
DREAMY
I could give a shit about your equipment. You probably stole it in the first place... If I get time I'll try and look into it for you. (beat) And in turn, you can stay the hell out of those woods.
J
Are you finished?
Dreamy just looks at J. She could choke this little punk.
DREAMY
(a wry smile)
You've been a pain in this town's ass since you were a kid. You need to learn to stay out of trouble, boy. It makes you defensive, anxious, paranoid, homophobic...
(beat)
Last thing you need is to end up back in the looney bin.
INT. THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA - DAY A sick fluorescent glow pours from the lights above. At a table, we see Coffin Rock sitting alone. Just her and a cup of coffee. J enters and approaches. He quietly sits down next to her.
A moment.
J
(softly/genuine)
He gonna be okay?
Coffin doesn't answer right away. She just looks at J.
COFFIN ROCK
They pumped his stomach, he'll live.
INT. TRAUMA ROOM - JUST AFTER
Neptin's lying in a bed, clearly SEDATED. His eyes are still red with tears. At the foot of his bed, A FEMALE NURSE updates her chart.
NURSE
...Doctor's gonna want to keep you here til your bowel movements stop -- you lost a lot of blood.
(beat)
More than usual for someone with diarrhea...
The nurse can see that Neptin is still terribly upset. She tries to comfort him.
NURSE
(CONT'D)
...It was for the best, hon. When you gotta go you gotta go.
NEPTIN
(to himself)
Yeah....
As the Nurse turns, she YANKS open the curtain. We anticipate a scare. But nothing happens. Exhale. But it's not long before we HEAR a faint sound...
FOOTSTEPS.
Sounds like WET SNEAKERS on linoleum. But we can't quite tell where they're coming from. Neptin's eyes grow shifty.
Perhaps he senses a presence. And as he turns his head, Neptin sees...
A TURNIP SHAPED WOMAN
She's standing right next to Neptin. Dressed in 18th century clothes. Sopping wet. And her PALE WHITE body is disturbingly BLOATED... More so.
TURNIP WOMAN
(whispering)
She has you....
Neptin freezes, dumbstruck. He and the woman just look at each other. Then suddenly:
WHOOSH!!!
The woman is gone. Almost like she was YANKED BACKWARDS.
Just then, Luna walks in the room. Sees FEAR written across Neptin's face.
NEPTIN
I'm not staying here.
LUNA
Ok... We'll get you some fresh underwear and pants.
EXT. HOSPITAL - LATER - DAY
Luna and J walk Neptin to the van. Coffin follows The mood is morbid.
J
Anything you need... No problem. I grabbed all our stuff from the campsite.
NEPTIN
(turning quietly to Luna)
Maybe we could start back tonight...
COFFIN ROCK
Not a chance... It's one thing if you're not staying in the hospital, but you're certainly not driving eight hours tonight.
COFFIN ROCK
You need to rest.
There is a long silence.
LUNA
(fixated)
Five hours of our lives are unaccounted for...
(beat)
I wanna see those tapes. I want to know what happened last night.
J
(Praying the embarrassing prior recordings on those tapes are gone)
If those tapes ain't erased you're gonna know what happened lots of nights at my place.
EXT. RURAL ROAD - MARYLAND - DAY
We see that the houses are few and far between. They're separated by large expanses of woods. Ancient trees loom overhead.
EXT. J'S "DRIVEWAY" - DUSK
The Van turns off onto a weedy, gravel drive. And J comes to a halt before a huge, decrepit building.
J
Let's get Neptin inside. We can get the bags later.
COFFIN ROCK
I thought we were going to your house.
J
RFD 431, Jericho Mills.
(looks back to the group)
Home.
LUNA
What did it used to be?
J
Old dildo factory Company went bankrupt when some chick impaled herself on one of their super size models. They were gonna tear it down, but I talked them into selling it to me for a buck.
COFFIN ROCK
Any products still inside...?
J
Nope. But hey, it's nice inside, all fixed up ....most of it.
LUNA
We're still in the Black Hills, aren't we?
J
Right across the street. And about five blocks away is hooker-ville. Where I get all my poon.
They all look. Above the thicket you can see the dark outlines of the hills in the clouded-over moonlight.
EXT. J'S BUILDING - DUSK
J leads the group across a narrow metal bridge over a stream that's almost moat-like.
J
Sorry. It's the only way in--or out. Don't worry, it's safe. Just don't lean on the railings.
EXT. DOOR TO J'S BUILDING - DUSK
The door has a POLICE SLIDE BAR and an array of DEADBOLTS. J begins fitting different keys into the locks.
COFFIN ROCK
Ok, what's the deal with all these locks? Where I came from, you don't even lock the doors. Rednecks just shoot their way in.
J
Yeah, but ever since The Blair Witch Project came out, there's been a lot of scary people around here. You can never be too safe.
J springs the last lock and throws the door open.
INT. J'S LOFT - CONTINUOUS
He shuts the door; Everyone's eyes zap 360 degrees around them.
Coffin points to a small video camera pointing down at them from the ceiling.
COFFIN ROCK
And what's that do, squirt water?
J
No, But it does on occasion witness something squirt something... Wave, it's recording you now. I got 'em all over the place. What can I say, I'm a little paranoid.
He flips on a light switch that illuminates a
LONG HALLWAY
J starts walking down it, beckons the rest of them to follow him down it.
J
(CONT'D)
But paranoid with good reason. Got a lot of valuable stuff here.
The four members of the tour group stare agog at what's lining the entire length of the long hall: unopened cartons stacked six feet high containing brand new video and computer equipment and miscellaneous large appliances, boxes of playboy magazines.
COFFIN ROCK
Yeah, I s'pose you wouldn't want somebody stealing stuff you've already stolen.
J
Hey, where it came from originally is none of my business, nor should it be yours.
COFFIN ROCK
Oh yeah, how do you get all this shit?
J
What did I say about it being none of your business?
LUNA
I thought all your cameras got trashed.
J
You can never have too many when you're as lonely as me. But here's where I spend some quality time.
J picks up a camera.
LUNA
J, we've had enough videotaping for one weekend.
CUT TO POV CAMCORDER:
NEPTIN
Dude, the tour is over.
He ushers them into a huge
DOUBLE-STORIED SPACE.
It's easily 30 feet high. Exposed brick walls--massive iron roof beams. To their left they see...
A small room crammed with shelf after shelf of Blair Witch souvenirs--t-shirts, calendars, shot-glasses, playing cards, and little plastic bags filled with things that are labeled "Actual Coffin Rock Chips" and "The Stones of Rustin Parr."
J
Maybe it has just begun. Welcome to the Blair Store! This is where it all happens. Sticks for the stickmen.
NEPTIN
Do you get all those sticks in the Black Hills?
J
Yup. Dirt from the Parr Ruins. Official Blair sweatshirts, t-shirts and hats. Here Neptin, this is for you, from me, A Mary Brown shirt, gratis.
COFFIN ROCK
This shit is copyrighted or didn't you know?
J
What do you mean? Who gives a shit. It ain't illegal if no one finds out.
He throws her a hat.
COFFIN ROCK
Then lets keep our mouths shut for say... Two percent?.
J
My 12-Gauge says you'll take zero.
My 12-Gauge says you'll take zero.
LUNA
I think this place is pretty cool, J.
CUT BACK TO FILM:
LUNA
(interrupting)
J, Neptin... Where can he crash?
J
Stairs next to the kitchen lead up to my editing loft. Bedrooms are through that door on the right. No one gets my room. Specially you, squashums. But feel free to take any other one. And remember... You mess the sheets you pay for 'em.
LUNA
Thanks, J.
J
Sure.
COFFIN ROCK
They should'a never let you out, you're a long way from reformed.
And she exits the room. J just stands there with a look on his face like "how did she know that?"
INT. J'S LOFT - BEDROOM - LATER - NIGHT
Neptin tucks himself into a penis shaped bed, a factory left over.
He feels something lumpy under his pillow reaches behind and removes a ragged old blow up doll, tossing it away disgustedly.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - A WHILE LATER - NIGHT
J's running tape through a new video Sony VAIO. Two metal plates on its casing screams:
"Property of Artisan entertainment"
Coffin and J are gathered around the screen in various degrees of discomfort. They look like they've been there for some time. A lot of yawns.
ON SCREEN: they're watching minute after minute of nothing. Darkness. The outlines of the Parr foundation. Trees in the background. Dead silence.
COFFIN ROCK
(sarcastic)
Yeah, this is intense...
J
Chill out. We've looked at half of one tape.
(cont'd)
There's four other angles and all the handheld stuff...there's gotta be 30 hours we haven't even seen.
There is a long silence.
They stare blankly at the screen. Then...
COFFIN ROCK
J...
J stops. He looks right at the screen.
COFFIN
(CONT'D
...Something just occurred to me.
(beat)
Where's the tree?
J
What?
COFFIN ROCK
That big tree - in the middle of the foundation - now there's just this tiny twig.
J
That doesn't make any sense. The only tree in the foundation was the big one.
COFFIN ROCK
No shit....
As Coffin bends to pick another tape up, the neck of her t-shirt droops over her shoulder. J spots something: on her upper arm is a wine-colored mark, oblong, vaguely spidery in shape.
J
(CONT'D)
What's up with that?
COFFIN ROCK
I dunno. Chafing from the backpack, something.
Luna appears at the top of the stairs. She spots the bruise and winces.
LUNA
Does it hurt?
COFFIN ROCK
(realizing)
No. It kinda itches.
(to J)
It's nothing. Here.
J
You weren't necking with the whore were you?
COFFIN ROCK
No... Maybe...
J hits a button. And the NIGHT VISION tape pops onto the screen.
It's a bright green image, but essentially more of the same.
Total stasis.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
What's that?
She's pointing to the Sony VAIO screen. There's a FLUTTERING-FLASHING seen.
J
What?
COFFIN ROCK
Rewind it.
J
What did you see?
COFFIN ROCK
I don't know -- a flash or something.
The Sony VAIO screen FLASHES and for a nanosecond we see what looks to be...
A SHAKY CAMERA
Then it's gone.
LUNA
Coffin Rock.
They all look at her, puzzled.
COFFIN ROCK
Huh?
J
Whadda you see into other dimensions? Where the hell you see Coffin Rock?
COFFIN ROCK
I'm right fucking here.
LUNA
I dunno--it's just kinda what it reminds me of. The five guys that got killed there in 1886.
COFFIN ROCK
Yeah we know the history....
J
All I saw was a blur.
LUNA
Probably all it was. My brain's been overloaded with nothing but Blair Witch for the past year. You show me an ink blot, I'll tell you it's Heather Donahue or another goofy ass noob theory at the club.
J
Let me see if I can get that image back.
A weepy Voice can be heard from downstairs:
NEPTIN
(O.S.)
MOM...?
LUNA
Shit.
J
He gonna be okay?
LUNA
Fuck if I know.
She goes back down the stairs.
INT. NEPTIN'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Luna walks into the room to find Neptin in bed with his eyes closed.
LUNA
Neptin.
No response but soft snoring: he's asleep. Luna exhales with relief and then she hears the sound of crying again.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
She looks out into the hallway. There's nobody there. But the crying continues to be heard.
LUNA
If he has children locked up here, so help me...
She walks down the hallway towards the loft stairs.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - JUST AFTER
Luna appears at the top of the stairs, sees the two of them huddled over the Sony VAIO.
LUNA
Any of you hear that?
They look up. Listen. Nothing to be heard.
J
What?
LUNA
Somebody crying.
COFFIN ROCK
You still hearing it now?
LUNA
No.
COFFIN ROCK
Good, then you're sane.
LUNA
Just forget it.
She goes back down the stairs.
INT. KITCHEN - JUST AFTER
Then Luna hears the crying again. Louder. Even more despairing. She looks up to one of the SECURITY CAMERAS.
Talks to the blinking red light.
LUNA
If you're fucking with me, I am so not in the mood--
It's coming from the hallway.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
As Luna walks further down the hallway, it grows still louder. She walks faster towards it. It seems to be coming from the
THE DOOR TO THE OUTSIDE
Luna steps back into the hallway and throws the myriad of deadbolts, opens the door.
LUNA
Where the fuck is that coming from?
She steps out.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE DOOR - CONTINUOUS
-- onto the metal bridge, shutting the door behind her. The crying. It's coming from
A YOUNG MAN
standing at the other end of the bridge.
BUNKWITCH
Yo, bitch! You brought it back with you. EXPAND YOUR MIND MAN, SEE PAST THE WALLS. HE'S LEADING YOU!
A cry catches in Luna's throat, she grabs for the doorknob--
--when she turns, the Young Man is gone.
INT. FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Luna slams the door shut anyway, deadbolts it, her breathing coming hard.
NEPTIN
(O.S.)
Luna...?
INT. NEPTIN'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Luna enters the room to find Neptin sitting up, looking concerned.
NEPTIN
What was all that?
LUNA
Proof I need sleep bad as you.
NEPTIN
No, that noise. The crying... The cussing.
LUNA
You heard it, too?
NEPTIN
In my dreams, I thought. I was having this horrible nightmare.
LUNA
Of what?
NEPTIN
A big, fat... Turnip shaped woman feeding me pizza rolls...
Luna is clearly disturbed by this.
LUNA
Dude that's fucked up, but... There are rational explanations for what's going on here - for what's happening. You had the runs... You're bound to have nightmares. Practically shit your guts out.
NEPTIN
I can't go home yet.
LUNA
Why?
NEPTIN
Just not yet. I need to understand what happened.
LUNA
You had the shits, whats to understand...
She pops out two Xanax from a hospital sample bubble pack. Hands them to Neptin with a glass of water.
LUNA
(CONT'D)
Here. Take these. They'll help you sleep. No more dreams til we get home.
He swallows them. Closes his eyes. Then Luna pops two of the Xanax herself.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - SIMULTANEOUS
Coffin and J are gathered around the Sony VAIO. They are watching the INFRA-RED VIDEOTAPE.
After a few keystrokes... FLASH! POP!
We see a HUMAN FORM of some kind. Then suddenly, the image is gone.
COFFIN ROCK
Whoa. What the hell was that?
J
I don't know.
He types at the computer trying to recreate the flash.
COFFIN ROCK
Can you do it again?
He starts typing again.
J
I don't know. Let me try something.
He rewinds. The Flash. He hits a key and we see...
A BLURRY IMAGE
The form holds on screen. They stare at it.
COFFIN ROCK
There it is again.
He taps the time-coding at the bottom of the screen.
J
Check it out. The time code went from 1:32 to 3:57 and back to 1:32 again.
COFFIN ROCK
In the middle of the footage. How does that happen?
J
I don't know. I mean I'm pretty sure it's impossible for my cameras to record backwards. It must be a ridiculous plot hole or some shit.
COFFIN ROCK
Can you make it bigger, or slow it down or something.
J
I can make anything bigger.
He plays with another menu, a couple of windows, hits a key:
THE IMAGE
is seen closer, but even more blurred. Even so, one thing can be discerned:
J
(CONT'D)
Ladies and gentlemen, that there is a fat naked chick.
COFFIN ROCK
Who?
J
Don't know, Don't think I wanna know.
COFFIN ROCK
What's a naked fat chick doing swinging around a tree? Are we sure these are our tapes?
J
I am not sure of anything the past 24 hours. But if there's naked people on here then it's probably my tapes.
COFFIN ROCK
I need alcohol.
J
Coke with ice.
He looks at Coffin. She rolls her eyes.
COFFIN ROCK
Sure, I live to service.
INT. J'S KITCHEN - JUST AFTER
Coffin scopes out the fridge: no beer an utterly empty bottle of coke. There are, however, three shelves crammed with batteries of all shapes, sizes and voltage.
COFFIN ROCK
Great - no beer, flat coke, old pizza but plenty of batteries.
(admiring J's huge collection of fast food movie promo cups)
Ooooh, Jurassic park cups.
No response from Luna. She looks at her: She really is a wreck.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
What's going on? You alright?
LUNA
We're leaving in the morning.
COFFIN ROCK
Why?
LUNA
Neptin. He's in bad shape. This whole thing's really messed him up.
COFFIN ROCK
Then how come you're the one looks like She's having a breakdown?
LUNA
I'm a little tense, okay??
COFFIN ROCK
Sorry.
LUNA
No....I am. Sorry. I just feel my whole life's been kind've flipped, turned upside down the last two days.
COFFIN ROCK
It's been a little crazy, but it's gonna be ok.
Coffin starts to lightly massage her neck.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
This help?
LUNA
Feels good. Lower, if you can--into my shoulders.
COFFIN ROCK
Like this?
AND THEN
Somehow the two of them are then guiding her hands into her blouse, onto her breasts and she's moaning, and grabbing hard onto her hair and pulling her up to her. Their lips and tongues meet, and they're biting each other like animals and her hands are yanking and twisting hard on her breasts, between her legs...
CUT TO VIDEO:
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
Coffin unbuttons her shirt and sees...
COFFIN
Damn those are huge.
LUNA
Thanks.
COFFIN ROCK
Don't worry. Mine are nice to.
They usher each other off to one of the bedrooms near by.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - JUST AFTER
J is watching the whole thing on a surveillance camera. A few hours later Coffin returns to the loft fully clothed, Luna left behind to rest.
COFFIN ROCK
We're out of coke, if that's what you want to know.
J
No. I just found a better angle on the fat naked chick.
J beckons her over to the Sony VAIO. He gives his seat in front of the Sony VAIO screen to Coffin.
COFFIN ROCK
Cool, how'd you do it?
J
I took the footage and zoomed in. Bitch was already blew up good.
(cont'd)
It's a little weird to watch. Like watching a hold-up through one of those bank security cameras. But you get the gist.
J hits a key. The image on the screen comes to life in herky-jerky stutter steps. Coffin watches what now can very clearly be seen as a TURNIP SHAPED Woman. Twirling round and around a slim little oak tree, the moonlight hitting her in stop-motion almost like a strobe. And, for some reason, she's twirling backwards.
There's also sound this time: an odd arrhythmic beat coming from some kind of percussive instruments. The Naked Woman moves effortlessly to it.
COFFIN ROCK
Where is this?
J
The foundation.
COFFIN ROCK
And this was last night?
J
Yeah. During the big black-out.
COFFIN ROCK
Can you make it so we can see her face?
J
Yeah. Unfortunately.
He hits a key. The image on screen freezes.
Staring into the lens is
THE TURNIP SHAPED CONVENIENCE STORE WOMAN
COFFIN ROCK
Freaky.
J
Shit, it's that turnip shaped fat pizza roll booze bitch at the store.
COFFIN ROCK
You know her?
J
No she was just in the store yesterday with like a cart full of pizza rolls and cheap booze.
COFFIN ROCK
J, gimme the keys to the van.
J
Where you going?
COFFIN ROCK
Look, I gotta get out of here -- I need a beer.
J tosses her his keys to the Van.
J
Pick up some coke and... Frozen pizzas I'm fuckin starving man.
Coffin runs off.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - NIGHT
PULL BACK
We see once again that J's watching all this ON VIDEO on the surveillance monitor. A haggard, frightened-looking Neptin is staring at his reflection in the window. Touching his face as though he barely recognizes himself. And then he sees that something's staring back at him. On a branch of a tree outside the window: a Horned Owl, big yellow eyes glowing. Watching. Netpin opens the window and tosses a penis shaped lamp at the owl, frightening it away.
EXT. LARRY'S SUPERETTE & BEER - NIGHT
Coffin stops the Van at the only place still open at this hour "downtown," that same small, decrepit market she shopped with J The Black Hills Market. As she steps out of the Van, she hears shrill whistling.
TEENAGER'S VOICE
Yo, Bitch!
She turns. There's a group of TEENAGE BOYS in John Deere and Kobota caps standing by the darkened storefronts up the block. They're ogling her cute-ness.
TEENAGER #2
Hey, Miss hoover! I got somethin' dirty you can suck on!
She's heard it all before.
COFFIN ROCK
Yeah? Whip out a fifty and we'll talk.
--and walks into the store.
INT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - SOON AFTER - NIGHT
Coffin does her shopping, picking some frozen pizza a few bottles of coke and a couple six packs of cheap beer.
The Cashier is the same woman as the other day "Peggy." She's been watching all this nervously. She trips a switch by the register: we see a red light pop on the VIDEO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA overlooking the register. Coffin turns and sees Peggy chewing gum and staring at her body almost hungrily.
Coffin rock
(CONT'D)
Am I gonna have a problem with you?
PEGGY
No problem.
COFFIN ROCK
Good. So let's go.
Peggy still stares.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
Look: either ring this stuff up or I call the manager.
PEGGY
I am the manager.
COFFIN ROCK
Really?
PEGGY
Yeah. And I can let you have all this stuff and more for free if you uh... Spend a little quality time with me in the back. What say?
COFFIN ROCK
I think we can work something out.
She motions Coffin to the back room
PEGGY
Then lets go.
COFFIN ROCK
Time to complete my purchases.
A while later Coffin finishes loading several bags into the van Peggy jams a $20 hard into Coffin's pocket.
PEGGY
(CONT'D)
Worth every penny.
EXT. THE BLACK HILLS MARKET - JUST AFTER
Coffin looks relieved when she sees the Teenage Boys are no longer haunting the sidewalk.
EXT/INT. VAN - JUST AFTER
She's driving the speed limit out of town, about to punch up a CD on the sound system when she hears a CRASH behind her. Looks: there's a crazed, fist-sized hole that's just been smashed through the rear window. And then in the mirror she sees the Teenage Boys darting out from behind trees, chucking rocks at the Van.
TEENAGER #1
Stone the witch!
TEENAGER #2
Stone the bitch!
Coffin screams back at them:
COFFIN ROCK
Fucking rednecks!!
She floors the Van in reverse to run em on down, then turns to see:
SEVEN LITTLE CHILDREN
standing in the road behind her, staring at her with dead eyes. '40s-vintage clothes. Stutter-stepping backwards.
She swerves the Van violently. Spins. Loses control of the vehicle. Smacks it nose-first into a utility pole. Coffin's shaken, but not hurt. She hears hoots of derision. Looks back towards town, sees the Teenage Boys fleeing. Whips her head 180 degrees: whatever Children there were in the street, they're not there now.
EXT. J'S DOORWAY - LATER - NIGHT
Coffin appears, looking exhausted and seriously weirded-out. Unlocks the door with J's keys. Opens it.
INT. KITCHEN
Coffin unpacks the groceries. One last grab into a bag--
She pulls something out of it; it's made of plastic and penis shaped. She is clueless. She notices it is dripping with blood.
INT. LOFT - JUST AFTER
Coffin sets a hot pizza down beside J at his desk. He doesn't look up. In fact, he's oblivious: his focus almost maniacal on the Sony VAIO screen.
COFFIN ROCK
You're welcome.
She slumps down on the couch with an entire six pack in her lap.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
I fucked up your front end a little.
(no response from J)
Had to swerve to avoid hitting these little kids.
(no response)
They were dressed funny. From another time. Seven of them.
(no response)
They were the kids that Rustin Parr killed.
J finally reacts. Swivels in his chair to face her -- revealing that his arms and legs are strapped to the chair, various leather straps and torture devices on him -- his eyes a startled blank, his jaws clenched tight on the rubber bite-down in his mouth.
Coffin is dumbstruck.
And the chair swivels to face her again: it's back to normal and so is J.
J
Munnnnchiesssss.
Coffin slowly sits back down.
COFFIN ROCK
J...?
J
Where's the food??
COFFIN ROCK
Next to your arm.
J
Pizza.. Sweet!
He tears it apart feeding himself greedily not offering any to Coffin..
Coffin's eyes start to close, and suddenly it's become morning. J's still working on the Sony VAIO and talking rapidly to himself.
INT. HALLWAY - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
A fully-dressed and showered Luna dumps a packed duffel bag on the floor.
Coffin appears from J's loft, half-asleep and yanking on her clothes.
LUNA
Are you ready to go?
COFFIN ROCK
Yeah, you guys ready?
LUNA
Thanks I appreciate you driving us.
COFFIN ROCK
I'll get the keys from J.
She yawns and walks towards the kitchen and the stairs.
INT. NEPTIN'S BEDROOM - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
Luna zips up the last of their bags. Turns to see that Neptin's still sleep.
LUNA
Neptin, come on, we gotta go.
She gently shakes his shoulder. He doesn't wake.
LUNA
(CONT'D)
Come on Neptin!
Shakes him harder. She mumbles then slaps him upside his head
NEPTIN
Not yet.
LUNA
Neptin, we're going home.
He closes his eyes again. Luna yells out the door, pissed:
LUNA
(CONT'D)
Tina, can you give me a hand?
No response. It makes Luna even angrier. She storms out of the room. After a moment, Neptin opens his eyes.
NEPTIN
I'm not ready to go.
INT. KITCHEN - JUST AFTER
Coffin's not in there. Luna calls up to loft:
LUNA
Coffin!
J
(O.S.)
Ain't gotta yell,man,she's right here.
LUNA
We're gonna miss our flight.
COFFIN ROCK
I was just getting the keys hold your tits.
J
(O.S.)
I thought you did that for her last night...
LUNA
Huh...?
J goes to the window.
EXT. J'S BUILDING - DAY
P.O.V. DOWN IN THE GRAVEL DRIVE BELOW
J's van is literally in pieces. It looks like it was smashed by four semis simultaneously at 60: Wheels snapped off, the body practically accordioned to half its size, roof caved down into the floorboards, the engine block hanging halfway out one of the shattered windows.
INT. J'S LOFT - DAY
LUNA
Jesus Christ ... we're never gonna get out of here!
J
Fuck, TINA, I thought you said you just banged up the front end a little? What the fuck did you do to my bitch-mobile?
Coffin just stares at the wreck, not comprehending.
COFFIN ROCK
It was...just the front fender.
LUNA
What the fuck is going on?
NEPTIN
I had non dairy ice cream. It was something else that made me sick
Luna turns, Neptin's awake and behind her.
LUNA
What are you talking about?
NEPTIN
The fat turnip bitch. Something I dreamt. J dreamt it, too. Look.
J
The fuck are you lookin at me for?I aint dreamed shit. My ass has been up all night watching Luna and Tina get butt nekid humpin' each other.
LUNA
You saw that?
Stunned silence. Then a look of alarm on Coffin's face.
COFFIN ROCK
I guess it's a good thing you didn't see what me and that store cashier did.
INT. KITCHEN - SOON AFTER - DAY
J, Neptin Luna and Coffin sit at the table nervously. Coffin is literally shaking.
COFFIN ROCK
I want everyones word you won't tell my husband about this. I love him so much.
LUNA
What about that hooker? Where the fuck is she?
COFFIN ROCK
How am I supposed to know that?
J
I don't know. probably blowin' some Japanese tourist back on fifth street.
NEPTIN
Doesn't she have a phone number?
J
Her pimp.
SMASH TO:
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - JUST AFTER
J on the speaker phone. Luna, Neptin and Coffin huddled around him. A man's Voice is heard on the other end:
J
I'd like to speak to daddy jiggles please.
MAN'S VOICE
The daddy is in a meetin'. Yo could I have him return?
J
It's urgent.
MAN'S VOICE
Could I tell him whats it regardin'?
J
His bitch, a hooker named Kim. I need to know if he's heard from her.
MAN'S VOICE
Yo man we aint got no bitches here by that name, fuck off.
The line goes dead. The four of them just stand there.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - LATER - DAY
J's still pumping down the coke and maniacally fast-forwarding through more tape, Neptin watches, mesmerized. Coffin just stands, worrying the polish off her nails. Luna sits on the couch watching her, it's really getting on his nerves.
LUNA
So, she gave us a fake name, it doesn't have to mean anymore than that.
J
She lied to us. Fuckin whore's man.
COFFIN ROCK
Why are we seeing all this shit? Why is all this happening?
LUNA
I dunno. Collective delusion, group hysteria. You take a bunch of people, get 'em scared enough we discuss it all the time at the fan club.
J
Spare me.
LUNA
It's real, it happens. Just because you never participate in all the esrever and bullshit newb theory posts.
J
(jumping up)
Cause they're boring and stupid, nothin' but a bunch of retards got nothin better to do!
LUNA
Fuck off.
J grabs Luna, when suddenly, The SONY VAIO SCREEN starts to FLASH and POP! Again, a blur of violent motion is seen on the tape.
COFFIN ROCK
J, the screen. I just saw a flash.
J turns and sees it. He sits down in front of the screen.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
Wind it back. Back further!
He rewinds. Then plays back slo-mo: a clear image seen, a filthy HUMAN HAND hacking a camera off a tripod with a machete.
J
Those assholes. I knew they'd pull something like this.
The phone rings again. Annoyed, J pops on the speaker phone and barks:
J (CONT'D)
No one's home: fuck off.
PHONE VOICE
It's sheriff Shadows, ya little shit.
J
Sheriff?
SHADOW'S VOICE (O.S.)
Yip.
J
I know who trashed my cameras. I was just about to call you.
SHADOW'S VOICE(O.S.)
Saved you the bother. Turn on yo TV.
J
I could give a shit about the TV, I got something I want you to see.
SHADOW'S VOICE(O.S.)
Me, too: News 6.
J waves at Coffin, points to the small TV in the loft.
J
Humor her. Turn it on.
SHADOW'S VOICE( O.S.)
You watchin'?
J
Yeah, yeah, like a shit hawk. Look, I just found out what happened Friday night.
SHADOW'S VOICE(O.S.)
Funny, me, too. Look.
ON THE TV...
A REPORTER is talking into a News 6 microphone in front of a yellow-taped crime scene. Some wooded area.
REPORTER ON TV
...A brutal murder in the Black Hills discovered today. The bodies of five hikers found dead.
SHADOW'S VOICE (O.S.)
Disemboweled, J...
REPORTER ON TV
...atop the landmark known as Coffin Rock.
SHADOW'S VOICE(O.S.)
Bodies were laid out in the shape of a penis. Sound familiar?
LUNA
Jesus.
REPORTER ON TV
A grisly, re-creation of the infamous Coffin Rock Massacres, popularized by the movies, "The Blair Witch Project"... And book of shadows: Blair witch 2. We have received word that the victims include two pornographic stars from China and one from Germany, as well as two unidentified white males. In the past year, the Black Hills area has been overrun with movie fans wanting to get a glimpse of where the films where shot.
SHADOW'S VOICE (O.S.)
You looking at me, bitch?
J
W-what?
SHADOW'S VOICE (O.S.)
Over here.
Coffin points to the left corner of the TV screen where Sheriff Dreamy can be seen waving her hand, talking to J on a cell phone.
J
Yeah.
SHADOW'S (O.S.)
I didn't find your cameras. Don't think either of us are surprised, are we? But then again. I'm sho you glad I didn't cause I may have found some of them tapes of yo's.
J
What does this have to do with me?
SHADOW'S (O.S.)
I got five corpses out here.
J
Look, I didn't have anything to do with those.
SHADOW'S(O.S.)
Don't give me the runaround, you little shit. Now, you might not'a been in charge, here, but I know you had something to do with this mess. So you and your little friends best just sit tight. That means you don't leave this county til I say it's ok.
(beat)
We got plenty to talk about. Theres samples J. Samples. DNA samples. Pullin' em from the rear ends of that German and Asian woman. I suppose it'll tell the tale you perverted little shit.
A CLICK is heard on the speaker phone. On TV: Shadows is seen ducking under the tape and entering the site of the mayhem.
Beat. They all just stare.
NEPTIN (O.S.)
Guys...? I think you should come over here.
LUNA
What do you want?
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - THE RAILING - CONTINUOUS
They all turn to look at Neptin, standing by the railing, staring out the big window that abuts the loft.
NEPTIN
I think there's something there.
COFFIN ROCK
What?
LUNA
Where?
J
Huh?
He points:
NEPTIN
There.
The entire huge window EXPLODES INWARDS. Sharp shards of GLASS and empty pizza roll boxes come hurtling in at them. Screams as they're pierced by the glass and wood. And then the explosion stops. The last box hits the kitchen below with just a quiet thud. And then a faint flapping sound is heard from outside.
INT. THE KITCHEN - JUST AFTER
Luna, Coffin and J stare down at the kitchen floor. Lying on the linoleum is a
A BEER BOTTLE
broken from its header through the window They look at each other, and then up at THE LOFT where Neptin's still standing. Looking down and nodding his head as though this events has significance only he understands.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - LATER - NIGHT
The four of them are sitting amongst J's junkyard, perched on carved wooden women who once were part of the factorys product displays, passing a huge joint J has rolled. It's a tense mellow.
LUNA
I gotta get out of here.
J
No one's going anywhere 'til we figure this out.
LUNA
I don't give a shit about figuring it out anymore!
J
Well, you better 'cause Dreamy wants to pin this murder on us,
Luna.
LUNA
We didn't do anything. At least I didn't.
J
I don't know you! I don't know anything about you, Luna -- I don't know how much to believe about any of you people... But I'll tell you right now that you're not gonna leave me here to take the fall for this shit.
(commanding)
You're not going anywhere.
COFFIN ROCK
(petrified)
We brought something back with us.
LUNA
What?
COFFIN ROCK
It's here with us.
J
Oh, for Chrissake, Tina -- I'll tell you what's going on here...
Beat. He is seriously stoned.
J (cont'd)
...Kim Or whoever the fuck she is.
COFFIN ROCK
Ok, Kim has got nothing to do with it.
J
She's a whore, man. One big pissed-off whore. It's been her since day one!
COFFIN ROCK
Smoke it up--you're not totally psycho yet.
She stands and walks towards the kitchen.
J
Where are you going?
COFFIN ROCK
Away from you! You're a dick.
J
Tina!
LUNA
J, you gotta have friends, somebody with a car.
J
Did you hear me? Sit your 45 year old ass down! You're not going anywhere!
J gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
NEPTIN
Just a little while longer, Luna.
LUNA
'Til what?
He doesn't answer, just keeps staring out the window.
INT. KITCHEN - JUST AFTER
J enters.
J
Why are you so mad at me?
J stops where he stands. Coffin's sitting at the table, her mouth smeared with pizza sauce.
COFFIN ROCK
You know why.
And a box of totino's pizza rolls is in her equally saucy hands.
COFFIN ROCK
Calm the fuck down, I'm not that pissed.
When J looks again, all Coffin has is a beer in her mouth.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
Just stop bad-mouthing Kim.
NEPTIN (O.S.)
She's outside.
They both look up. Neptin's standing in the kitchen with them, staring out the shattered window. And now Luna appears behind him.
LUNA
Where??
NEPTIN
Right there.
J, Coffin and Luna scan 180 degrees out the window, see nothing.
LUNA
Neptin, let's get you back into bed.
NEPTIN
You just gotta look, Luna.
LUNA
Let's go to the bedroom.
NEPTIN
Look again.
She does.
EXT. BLACK HILLS - NIGHT
POV OUT THE WINDOW
standing in the thicket of the Black Hills across the street is
KIM stark-naked, On her knees behind a tree her head moving back and forth in an odd way, almost backwards.
INT. THE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
J just stands there freaked for a moment. Then he races out.
J
She's out there.
EXT. J'S DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS
J runs out onto the bridge and then stops. Kim's no longer across the street, she's right there on the bridge with him.
J
What happened to you??
As he takes a step forward, she takes one back towards the bank on the other side.
J
(CONT'D)
Don't be afraid. I'm only gonna beat the shit
out of you for taking my money.
She moves back some more.
KIM
You know who it is.
J
What?
KIM
And you know what you have to do.
J
Kim, you bitch, get back here!
Kim steps back onto the opposite bank. She's off the bridge entirely.
J
(CONT'D)
KIMMMMMMMMMM!
The part of the bridge he's standing on COLLAPSES. J grabs a handhold on the railing, but it fractures as he and the bridge go SLAMMING into the side of his building. He hangs there with only a tenuous grip on what remains of the railing. Then we see someone above him: Neptin in the doorway. He's staring down at him without expression. Turns and walks away.
VOICE (O.S.)
You know who it is.
He turns his neck as best he can: Kims gone, but in her place is standing the Turnip woman.
J
The fuck!!?
And then hands grab onto J. He screeches, turns back and sees that it's Coffin and Luna trying to pull him back up.
LUNA
Relax: I got you, I got you.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - NIGHT
J and Coffin watch last nights kinky goings on on the monitor. A look of concern overcomes Coffin.
COFFIN ROCK
J, I'm really worried about Neptin. Do you remember that doctor's name?
J
No, no I don't.
COFFIN ROCK
I'm gonna call the hospital.
Coffin goes around J's desk, reaches for the PHONE. a FILE FOLDER is setting right underneath it. She notices it was not there before when J called the pimp. She sees...
A PHOTO OF KIM.
She stops. Looks at J. But J's not paying attention. She picks up the stack of folders and sees that there's a thick file on each of them: Luna, Neptin, Kim and Herself. All of them filled with very personal information: dates and places of birth, major illnesses, parents' names and pertinent data complete psychological profiles.
COFFIN ROCK (CONT'D)
(to herself)
What is this?
She turns to J.
A puzzled look
COFFIN ROCK (cont'd)
What the hell is this?
J
What?
COFFIN ROCK
These.
She throws a BLUE FOLDER down in his lap.
J
No idea. Where did you get these?
COFFIN ROCK
(angry)
I found these on your desk.
J
(defensive)
I didn't put 'em there.
COFFIN ROCK
What're you spying on us?
J
Well yeah but nothing to this extent.
Just then, Luna, hearing the shouting, steps in. Coffin hands Luna four dossiers: Luna Sea. Dustin Shelby. Tina Renee. Kim the whore.
COFFIN ROCK
J's been investigating us.
J
What the hell are you talking about? I've never seen these before.
Luna FLIPS rapidly through the documents. Getting more and more angry with each page. Every detail of her life is there in print. Interviews with sexual parteners, favorite positions, sex toys she may own.
LUNA
Where did you get this?
She approaches J.
LUNA
(cont'd)
Answer me.
J
I don't know... maybe one of you put them there.
Luna GRABS J. THROWS him against the wall.
LUNA
You sick fuck. I wanna know where you got these.
Suddenly, there's a phone call. J punches the speakerphone button.
J
No one's here. Go away.
DREAMY
It's Shadow's you little shit.
J
What now, Sheriff? I'm a little preoccupied.
DREAMY
I have something to talk to you about. Get your butt down here.
J
Well, my bitch-mobile is trashed. Plus it's past my bedtime. You know that.
DREAMY
I'm right at your front door, bitch. Get down here!
LUNA
How can anybody be out there? The bridge is out.
They look at the monitor giving an angle of the front door. Nothing can be seen - the bridge is intact, but no one is there.
COFFIN ROCK
This is too weird.
INT. J'S LOFT - NIGHT
J gets up and walks slowly down the stairs. The rapping and shouting steadily increase in volume the closer he gets to the door.
VOICE AT DOOR
J! It's Dreamy! I know you're in there, you little shit! You open up this goddamn door right now. Open up J, I know you're in there boy. If you know what's good for you, you'll open up this damn door.
J says nothing, just walks slowly towards the door.
VOICE AT DOOR
(CONT'D)
Open the goddamn door!!
J listens intently at the door.
VOICE AT DOOR
(CONT'D)
We got a few things to talk about, boy! Iknow about your hookers, boy. I know about them video tapes ya little shit.
J continues to listen in disbelief.
VOICE AT DOOR
(cont'd)
I know you're mixed up in this mess somehow. I told you to stay out of those woods. You were a punk as a kid and you're still a punk. You let me in there right now. Open this door you little punk.
J continues to listen.
VOICE AT DOOR
(CONT'D)
Either open it or I kick it in, you little shit!
J pauses. Takes a breath. Opens the door.
INT./EXT. J'S LOFT - NIGHT
J opens the door. Theres nothing there. There is nothing, no human, to be seen anywhere.
INT. J'S LOFT - NIGHT
J slams the door
.
He runs to the hall closet and reaches in, fumbles around and comes out with a super soaker water gun filled with some kind of concoction.
Pumps it a few times and Races back to the front door and rips it open.
This time J finds himself looking at...
BUNKWITCH
BUNKY
(screams in terror)
J
(Screams in terror)
(Cont'd)
THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN MAN!?
A while later. J and the spirit of Bunky are deep in debate.
BUNKY
(Passing a spiritual blunt over to J)
Try some of this shit.
J
(takes a deep hit and exhails)
Yeah man. This is some good shit.
BUNKY
So, like, I'm tellin ya the witch is here with ya man.
J
Yeah, but who is it?
BUNKY
I don't know. Heard she was like a lesbo anyway man.
J
Shit man. Ya know I caught Tina and that Luna chick like doin it man. So like what if The witch is in one of them?
BUNKY
YOOOOOOOOO... Dude... You saw them doin it?
J
True story.
BUNKY
Fuck man. I wanna be alive again.
J
What are you talkin about man, you're dead. You can go anywhere and through like any wall you want. You can haunt porno movie sets.
BUNKY
I didn't think of that.
J
Shit yeah, man.
J closes his eyes and that quickly he is gone.
IN THE DISTANCE
VOICE
GOOD LUCK DUDE.
J
Horny bastard.
Luna and Coffin come running down from the loft. J just standing there in the hallway holding the water gun witha stoned out, retarded look on his face. It's as if he's just been standing there all along looking outside at nothing.
COFFIN ROCK
What the fuck...?
J says nothing, he's too freakedto speak. He just turns and walks slowly back to the closet.
COFFIN ROCK (CONT'D)
J?
LUNA
Put the... Water gun? down, man.
J just shakes his head, still reeling. He opens the closet door, turns on the light--and sees:
A NAKED RED-HAIRED WOMAN
Inside, turned backwards, on her knees facing the wall of the closet.
J
Kim...?
J reaches out and touches her bare shoulder. The Woman spins around--
KIM THE WHORE
very dead, her face frozen in rigor, mouth and eyes wide in an expression of sheer terror.
J screams.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - JUST AFTER - NIGHT
The three of them just sit there. Paralyzed, terrified. Staring at anything but each other. J says quietly...
J
I want a fuckin' refund.
LUNA
Last time I saw her, she was talking to Neptin.
J
Well I didn't kill her. I would have melted the body with
hydrofluoric acid.
Coffin and Luna look at each other, then at J.
INT. J'S PLACE - BATHROOM
While it was suspicious J would would have bottles of acid readily available, as well as protective gear, no one questioned it.
COFFIN ROCK (muffled)
"So, Tina, what did you do with your weekend?" Oh,
nothin', just melted a body!
LUNA (muffled)
Is it safe to be doing this in a bathtub?
They stop and think about it, but then shrug it off and continue.
INT. J'S WORK SPACE - JUST AFTER - NIGHT
After they completed their task, the three returned to the work space to find Neptin waiting for them.
NEPTIN
It's backwards.
LUNA
Go back to bed, Neptin.
NEPTIN
The fat turnip bitch backwards, Kim blowing backwards... Everything's backwards.
J
What? What are you talking abo--
NEPTIN
Widdershins. Undo the evil.
J
What the fuck is a Widdershin?
COFFIN ROCK
From the movie.
Neptin closes his eyes. Begins to WHISPER to himself. Then softly bites his lip and we hear a rather loud fart erupt from him.
NEPTIN
Sorry.
J
God damn, man, smells like something died.
COFFIN ROCK
Thats gonna have some hang time.
NEPTIN
(fast/under his breath)
Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever.
COFFIN ROCK
That's it.
J
What?
COFFIN ROCK
(motioning to the computer)
Backwards -- run the tapes backwards. I think it will show us what happened to Kim.
J
Are you retarded? Playing them backwards is the stupidest
fucking idea I've ever heard.
COFFIN ROCK
I know, J. Please do it!
Again, Neptin begins his chant.
NEPTIN
(to himself)
Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever. Esrever.
J
Fine.
He hits REWIND on the tape and we see footage of the Parr foundation. It looks the same reverse as forward: inert.
J
(cont'd)
Satisfied?
LUNA
Try the keystrokes backwards. The fucking commands.
He angrily hits a sequence of keys.
J
Okay, reversing the operation. Nothing! See, I told you
this was fuckin' stupid.
Neptin enters.
But something does happen. An amazing SEQUENCE of images and sounds. A PHANTASMAGORIA erupts on the Sony VAIO screen.
On instinct, J reaches for his video camera. Starts to RECORD the images on the computer screen. NOTE: J's camera will continue to record the duration of the scene. It's a schizoid assemblage of IMAGES on video. The lost footage from the night in the woods. A literal montage of misplaced time. That missing five hours. The time of day FLASHES from between 2:52 and 7:57 am. An arrhythmic percussive beat begins to SWELL. And images FLASH before our eyes...
LUNA
Are these the missing hours?
- J and Kim both naked and coupling with orgiastic abandon on the weedy foundation floor.
- Luna SCREAMING with ecstasy up into the sky.
- Fat turnip woman TWIRLING round and round her thin, tiny oak, the huge 300 year old tree nowhere to be seen.
- Luna piling naked atop Kim.
- A mud-coated J taking a machete in his hands.
- Luna SCREAMS with delight, SHREDDING page after page from the porno film script.
- J is SLASHING his cameras right off their tripods.
- Luna Coffin and Kim menage, drinking and pouring what looks to be deep purple wine all over each other.
- J yanks video tape of their cassettes and tosses the whole mess violently through a small hole in the Parr foundation.
- And standing high atop the foundation we see...
NEPTIN
He is conducting the activities below like some druid Toscanini, as the percussive beat GROWS deafening and the video cameras are CRUSHED to pieces under naked feet. Neptin is being fed by the fat turnip woman pizza rolls as if she's worshipping him.
PAPER FLIES like snow in the gale-force wind. The once small CAMPFIRE now ROARS... The fat turnip woman being whipped by Neptin in a a sexual torture sort of way.
FLASH-POP!
Neptin's right in the lens of God-knows-what camera, his eyes maniacal, The fat turnip woman at his feet with bottles of cheap wine. The others all enjoying their maddening menage.
FLASH...
Everyone is now in front of Neptin in worshipping mode Kim on her knees in front of him her head buried in his black robe doing... God knows what.
FLASH-POP!
Various images of the disgusting things that occured to the porno film group at coffin rock. J Taking the german chick from behind. Luna having her way with the asian woman. The three men nowhere to be seen most likely having already been killed.
FLASH...
Back to Neptin all alone now doing various witchy like things. He turns to the camera walks up does a Heather Donahue impression of i'm so sorry then flips off the camera and throws it against a wall.
FLASH...
A single image returns to the Sony VAIO screen... The empty Rustin Parr foundation. J, Coffin, Luna and Neptin just stand there. Astonished is too mild a word. Mind-blown. Reeling.
J
(CONT'D)
Neptin--
Luna
What...is this?
Neptin just looks at Luna. It's as if he's afraid to answer.
J
What did you make me do?
He's still silent.
Coffin rock
You're leading us, aren't you?
(beat)
DIDN'T YOU LOOK AT THE FUCKING SCREEN?
Neptin
No!
He DASHES for the stairs.
J
Get back here!
Coffin rock
Grab her, I mean him!
Luna LUNGES for him, pins his arms.
Neptin
Get your hands off me!!
Luna
What'd you do, Tristen I mean Neptin??
Neptin
Luna, please! Tell them to stop--
Coffin rock
It was the cheese in the pizza rolls that gave you the shits!
J
Witch bitch.
Neptin
Luna, why are you letting them do this to me?
Coffin rock
You killed Kim, didn't you?
Neptin
You're all crazy!
J
Shhhhh. Just admit it on camera, Neptin. We're not gonna take the fall for Kim. Don't worry, sweety, we wont hurt you.
Luna
Not like you hurt the baby.
Neptin
Huh?
Luna
The witch kills children.
Neptin
I haven't killed anybody!
Coffin rock
Bullshit!
Neptin
(pure terror)
My God, Luna???
Luna
Just say the words, Neptin--
Neptin pushes Luna away violently. He speaks calmly.
Neptin
You're all going to fucking die!
Neptin's voice and entire demeanor have changed to someone or something else entirely. The other three are startled speechless.
Neptin
You want to kill me?
Luna
No, I just want to understand.
J
I kninda want to.
Neptin
But you can't understand 'cuz you're too afraid.
Coffin rock
Who are you?
Neptin
Just like the pathetic little newbies of the fan club... Afraid, so afraid.
(beat)
Aren't you little girl?
J
He's the fucking witch, man.
Neptin
Is that what you think, crazy boy? Didn't you play the video games and then watch the movie? Theres an obvious pathetic attempt to tie in the games with the film. It almost ruined the entire mythology.
Luna
Neptin, talk to me!
Neptin
Neptin's gone.
He slaps Lunas face.
Coffin rock
Get off of her! She's mine.
He grabs a rope from a pulley above J.
Twirls it around his neck.
Neptin
(CONT'D)
This is what you want.
Luna
Neptin, whatever you're doing, don't! I mean we could go to jail for this.
Neptin
I'm not doing anything, honey, it's all up to you.
He ties a knot in the rope.
J
Witch bitch.
Coffin rock
Why did you kill Kim?
Neptin feints towards Coffin rock.
Neptin
...I can smell the implants on you.
Coffin rock
those runours are unfounded!
LUNA
Yeah... Theyr all real, believe me.
Neptin
You want to kill me, but you can't...can you, COFFY!
Neptin spits right in her face.
Coffin rock
That wasn't very nice. That was downright rude. I will rip your fucking head off!
Neptin
Then fucking do it!
Luna
Stop it!
Neptin
Chief of fan club security indeed. you can't even stop the board from crashing you're so pathetic.
(screaming)
Oh, you're the last one with the balls, you bitch!
Luna RAMS Neptin against the loft railing. But the railing BREAKS under the force.
Neptin FALLS straight down.
And the rope CINCHES TIGHT around his neck.
CUT TO:
The MONITOR in the loft that's recording all this. The NOOSE SNAPS Neptin's neck with a CRACK! He just dangles there... dead.
His eyes rolled back into their sockets. His tongue lolling out horribly. His corpse swaying. Twirling.
CUT BACK TO FILM:
J, Coffin rock and Luna stand below him in the big room. Looks of horror on their faces.
EXT. BURKSITTVILLE SHERIFF'S OFFICE
- THE NEXT MORNING (FILM)
Luna, Coffin rock and J are seen in cuffs, surrounded by a phalanx of law enforcement led by Sheriff Dream Shadows, as they're rushed inside the building. TV and Print MEDIA everywhere, aiming cameras and shouting questions that no one will answer.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
- SHERIFF'S DEPT. NIGHT (FILM)
Coffin rock is looking at her chest in the interrogation room's two-way mirror: We see DreamShadows enter. She is carrying a container of handi-wipes, a hand mirror and some bathroom paper towels.
Dreamy
Wipe that shit off your face.
Coffin turns to Dreamy.
Coffin rock
What? Oh. Well if you hadn't put me and J in the same cell.
Dreamy
You think that your make-up and black clothes give you power. You're just a scared, cowardly little girl underneath all that.
Coffin rock
Hey, lay off, bitch. I am not responsible for what happened to Neptin and Kim. They were possessed ... something happened to us, something evil.
Dreamy leans in and snarls.
Dreamy
Wipe that stuff off right now or I'm gonna call yo husband!
Coffin rock starts to wipe the stuff, whatever it is? Off, fighting back tears.
MBI man enters. Whispers to Dreamy. Dreamy steps aside.
MBI MAN #1
Let's talk about Peggy.
He puts down the bloody thing shaped like a male you know what.
Coffin rock
What?!?
MBI MAN #1
Do you always treat your playmates this way?.
MBI man throws down photo of Peggy bent over and bleeding from her rear.
Coffin rock just stares at the photo, incredulous.
Coffin rock
I did not do this.
MBI MAN #1
Oh yeah, then who is this?
MBI MAN #1 hits PLAY on the VCR. And we see the SURVEILLANCE TAPE from the store.
Coffin and Peggy are seemingly inncoently having a good time when Coffin turns violent, stabbing peggy to death in the rear end.
MBI MAN #1
Well atleast she died with a smile on her face.
Coffin rock
I...did...not...do...that.
Camera travels with Dreamy and MBI man as they exit this interrogation room and enter J's interrogation room. Coffin rock is left alone with a uniformed guard. J is staring off into space. A uniformed guard stands by the door as Dreamy and MBI #1 enter the room.
Dreamy
You're in a heap of trouble, boy.
J just stares.
MBI MAN #1
We found vomit in the van.
J
Neptin upchucked baskin robins and Jack Daniels...you know that, Dreamy. He puked in the van on the way over to the tour.
Dreamy
...I'm not a gambling girl, but I'd bet my entire ree-tirement pension that the vomit in the van is gonna match those porn stars.
J
Look, you've been trying to pin something on me ever since I can remember.
Dreamy
I don't really have to try to pin anything on ya, what with you just itching to get caught.
J
What are you talking about?
Dreamy
Well, I ain't no documentary filmmaker, but I had your videotapes slapped together over at Montgomery College. Kinda tells the whole story... And it's pretty damn sick the video collection you keep.
J
Great, you'll see how fucking crazy Neptin was. He practically begged Luna to push him.
MBI MAN #1
And what about the redhead. She was a real pretty girl. (beat) She wouldn't put out or something?
J
Of course she put out. She was a fuckin' hooker.
MBI MAN #1
Yeah...I know.
Dreamy
So do I. Hell who don't?
He pops in the tape and hits play on his VCR. The tape stops J in his tracks. It's video surveillance footage. The first clip shows J lighting candles around someones empty clothing. The second clip shows J struggling with someone. He DRAGS her.
Pulls her into the closet with him. Then the door closes and everything becomes silent.
A moment.
Then J slowly emerges from the closet. He leans down, and picks up his camera. Looks right into the lens.
J ON TAPE
(he grins)
Fuckin hookers.
Dreamy PAUSES the tape. It FREEZES on a psychotic image of J.
J
That's not what happened...the witch...did...this.
J realizes Dreamy is not listening. She's headed for the door.
Dreamy
I warned you to stay out of those woods, boy. They're not gonna send you back to the looney bin this time. You're gonna fry.
Dreamy exits.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - SHERIFF'S DEPT. - NIGHT (FILM)
2 MBI men interrogate Luna MBI #2 throws down 2 dossiers. They're the same Luna and Neptin files from J's Loft.
MBI MAN #2
We've looked into your background, Luna. You've been such a good little girl all your life. How'd ya get mixed up in all this?
Luna paws through her file...It's exactly the same as J's loft, except the last few pages have photos of the disemboweled porn stars.
MBI MAN #3
Gutting those porn stars...how'd ya have the stomach to do that?
Luna just stares at the photos.
Luna
I don't remember doing this.
Luna turns the file page. It's a photo of Neptin dangling from the rope.
MBI MAN #2
And your friend? Killing him because he shit his pants. (sarcastically) Now that's harsh. I do it from time to time. It's a normal thing.
Luna
The shitting had nothing to do with this! he wrapped the rope around his neck. he was taunting me, begging me to push him.
MBI MAN #3
You're not making a believer out of me, maam.
Luna
It was an accident! Look, J videotaped the whole thing. Look at the tapes...you'll see. (beat) Look at the god damn tapes!
MBI MAN #2
(sarcastically)
Yes, maam.
Without looking, an officer hit's PLAY with the remote. The men don't watch the tape, they've seen it. Rather, they watch Luna's face.
ON THE TV...
Neptin is perched on the catwalk, the noose around his neck. Luna, J and Coffin rock are standing around him.
Neptin
(on the tape/pleading)
I don't know what you're talking about, I swear, I swear to God! luna please you know that! I'm sorry I had the runs.
On the tape, Luna says nothing. she just stares back at him, coldly.
Neptin
(cont'd)
Please, Luna, don't do this?!
Luna
(VIDEO)
...Fucking witch!
CUT BACK TO FILM:
Luna
(CONT'D)
(beaten down)
I...don't...remember...that.
AGENT
(sarcastically)
Is this the tape you wanted us to play?
Neptin continues to PLEAD for his life on the tape. The cries are difficult to listen to.
Luna
This is wrong... Somebody fucked with this tape.
Neptin
(on the tape) Oh, Jesus, Luna. No! Don't! Please--
Luna PUSHES Neptin off the catwalk. The slack on the rope disappears. The noose tightens.
NEPTIN'S NECK CRACKS!
And Luna just stares at the screen. Her eyes whirling with confusion and fear.
Luna
SOMEBODY FUCKED WITH THIS TAPE! THAT TAPE IS ONLY PARTIALLY CORRECT! SOMEBODY FUCKED WITH IT! THATS FUCKIN BULLSHIT!
EXT. FREDERICK COUNTY COURT HOUSE - DAY (ON VIDEO).
The same News 6 TV Reporter we saw earlier at Coffin Rock. She's surrounded by dozens of other REPORTERS. Everyone fights for the story. The "News 6" logo is bannered at the bottom of the screen.
TV REPORTER
...in this case, it's "The Blair Witch Project."
The interview gives way to... A FLUID MONTAGE OF NEWS INTERVIEWS.
EXT. BURKITTSVILLE SHERIFF'S OFFICE (VIDEO) - DAY
An LOCAL REPORTER reads from a paper that was just handed to him.
LOCAL REPORTER
...We're getting reports now of an apparent double homicide in the small town Burkittsville...
ANOTHER REPORTER stands outside the building.
ANOTHER REPORTER
...Local police have just confirmed that three more people were found dead in this otherwise quiet town...
LOCAL NEWSCASTER
...Where obsessed fans of the films are alleged to have performed a series of ritualistic murders...
EXT. J'S BUILDING - DAY (VIDEO)
J's driveway is packed with REPORTERS and REMOTE VANS. Rubberneckers pack the surrounding area.
ANOTHER REPORTER (V.O.)
Sadly, as happened so many times before in this country, violent art has inspired real life violence...in this case, it's Blair
witch 2.
LOCAL REPORTER
Local police have just confirmed that one young was found dead near the small town of Burkittsville. No one's quite sure what motivated the killing, but we're now hearing that the slain person was apparently involved in Witchcraft.
In the background, we see crime scene unit personnel walking back and forth on the bridge to J's loft.
ANOTHER REPORTER
I'm standing in front of an abandoned dildo factory in the tiny hamlet of Jericho Mills just a few miles from the town of Burkittsville, where just hours ago police arrested three obsessed movie fans who allegedly committed a series of ritualistic murders after watching The 2 Blair Witch movies. One of the suspects lived in this building, using it as a warehouse for copyrighted merchandise.
J's van gets loaded onto a flat bed.
ANOTHER REPORTER
The alleged killers are also being charged with this weekend's gruesome disembowelment of five hikers in the Black Hills and the brutal anal stabbing of a convenience store clerk on Saturday night. I've just learned that this vehicle, owned by one of the suspects, has evidence linking the group to these murders.
LOCAL REPORTER
That's a good question, Howard. Local officials are urging calm, trying to keep curiosity seekers away from the Black Hills area. As has happened in the past, rumors of a supernatural presence causing these murders are spreading like wildfire over the Internet, but have been dismissed as complete bullshit.
The Police are going back and forth on the metal bridge that leads to the door of the house. For some reason, it's as though it had never collapsed.
INT. VIDEO FOOTAGE - DAY
We see J, Coffin and Luna being lead by police. The B-ROLL shows them being put into squad cars.
EXT. ROAD BY THE BLACK HILLS - DAY (VIDEO)
Sheriff Dreamy is ambushed by reporters.
REPORTER
...Sheriff Shadow's, can we just get a brief word --
REPORTER #3
...Do you think the "The Blair Witch Project"...
Dreamy stops in her tracks.
DREAMY
Those damned movie's the worst thing that ever happened to this town.
Dreamy turns.
She begins to pace the side of the road with her BULLHORN.
DREAMY
(cont'd)
(into her bullhorn)
Go home, there's nothing here...
But the reporters are relentless. They trail right behind him.
REPORTER #4
...Sheriff, is it true the woods have been --
REPORTER
...Do you think the Black Hills have anything to do with --
Dreamy suddenly turns to us. She approaches us quickly.
DREAMY
...I told you there's no witch in those woods, and there's nothing in Burkittsville.
(becoming quite angry)
Now go home, there's nothing for you to see here!
Dreamy's hand's cover our camera. The camera BOBBLES for a moment. Shakes.
And the frame goes black...
EXT. THE BLACK HILLS (FILM) - DAY
As the credits crawl, an aerial shot of the black hills is seen. It pulls back to reveal dozens of tourists...
Swarming like ants.
Infesting the hills.
EOF.
Fade to black roll credits.
J
(Interrupting the credits)
WOAH WOAH WOAH wait a second.
Coffin and J step back onto the screen.
COFFIN ROCK
Who wrote this piece of shit anyway?
J
(Embarrased)
I...I dont know.
COFFIN ROCK
That ending sucked. Could it be any more unoriginal?
J
This was a shitty parody, what the hell do you want?
COFFIN ROCK
Happy ending?
J
With puppys? And me and Dreamy hugging maybe?
COFFIN ROCK
Nah I think I can come up with something much cooler.
J
Flash back?
COFFIN ROCK
...Flash back...
Suddenly the entire film starts to rewind and we find ourselves back at...
FLASH...
A single image returns to the Sony VAIO screen...
The empty Rustin Parr foundation.
J, Coffin, Luna and Neptin just stand there. Astonished is too mild a word. Mind-blown. Reeling.
Stepping back into characher.
J
(CONT'D)
Neptin-- Yada yada what is this?
Luna
What...is this?
Neptin just looks at Luna. It's as if he's afraid to answer.
J
Ok.. .
(Cont'd)
Time for the happy ending bit. Tina?
Coffin rock
I think i've solved this little mystery.
She walks slowly up to Neptin.
Coffin rock
You see our dear Neptin isn't Neptin at all. HE IS...
She pulls his fake face off to reveal...
THE FAT TURNIP WOMAN
COFFIN ROCK
TADAAAAAAAAA
Neptin-Turnip
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sheriff Dreamy and officers rush in to take custody of the Neptin Turnip.
J
Well I guess that about wraps it up.
Neptin-Turnip
I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids.
J
Hey, wasn't this in Waynes world?
COFFIN ROCK
I saw it on cable a few nights ago.
J
And you wanted to be original.
COFFIN ROCK
I suppose you can do better?
J
I did wright this parody after all.
COFFIN ROCK
I really wouldn't take credit for that.
J
Ok, fine, relax and we'll get the mega super dooper happy ending going, ok?
COFFIN ROCK
Now who's ripping off other movies?
J
Blow me...
FLASH...
A single image returns to the Sony VAIO screen...
The empty Rustin Parr foundation.
Luna
What...is this?
Neptin just looks at Luna. It's as if he's afraid to answer.
J
What is this? I'll tell you what this is. This is the mega super dooper happy ending. The ending where the good guys win... And get the girls.
He's still silent.
Coffin rock
Awww that's sweet. But I'm married.
J
What? No, not you, bitch. I'm talkin about Heather Donahue a trillion dollars reward money for me.
Coffin rock
Can I have Jeff from Book of shadows?
J
Sure, why the fuck not?
Suddenly Bunkwitch arrives.
BUNKWITCH
(Eating a doughnut)
Isn't this fuckin' piece of shit over yet?
J
Almost! We're doing the mega super dooper happy ending.
BUNKWITCH
Sweet.
J
SURE!
All of a sudden here comes Heather, Kim And Jeff from BOS into their new loves arms.
COFFIN ROCK
Now this is a happy ending.
J
(With Heather in his arms)
Ah, but not quite. Neptin still needs to be dealt with.
LUNA
Yes but wouldn't you rather deal with the real problem?
J
Huh...?
LUNA
I am the blair witch.
(She cackles like a witch)
She suddenly sheds her clothes and floats above the floor. Her hair sticking out like snakes as she begins to cackle evily.
But suddenly her head explodes into a mess of goo.
J
(Blowing the smoke from the barrels of a shotgun)
Yeah... Well i'm the guy with the gun, bitch.
He throws the gun on the floor.
HEATHER
MY HERO!
Just then Sheriff Dreamy runs in with officers and quickly arrest Neptin.
DREAMY
Well boy. I spose you did good for once. Rid us of that witch. I'd shake yer hand but lord knows where it's been. Here, just take your reward money and use it on some anti-biotics.
COFFIN ROCK
(Holding onto Jeff)
Well I guess this was a better ending.
J
Bunky, any last words?
BUNKWITCH
Yep. I'd just like to apologize to everyone at the club on behalf of J and all the cast and crew involved in this piece of shit. We're sorry... So very very sorry.
J
Well that about does it. On behalf of the cast and crew of book of unrequired sequels
EVERYONE
(waving)
SO LONG EVERYBODY!
As they wave, the cieling above collapses and the melted remains of Kim splatter all over the place.
EOF.
Fade to black. Roll credits.
(Various outakes from the film show)
BLEEP!
A young woman with a mane of blonde and brown hair, Coffin rock, 25, pops her head up from the lap of the drivers seat.
Coffin rock
(Missing her mark laughing in J's lap)
J
Oh yeah...YEAH BABY THATS WHAT I'M TALKIN BOUT WOOOOOOO.....
Laughter off set.
BUNKWITCH
(OS)
Ok, cut!
BLEEP!
Coffin starts to lightly massage her neck.
COFFIN ROCK
(CONT'D)
This help?
LUNA
Feels good. Lower, if you can, into my shoulders.
COFFIN ROCK
My husband's so gonna kill me...
BLEEP!
J
She's a whore, man. One big pissed-off whore. It's been her since day one!
COFFIN ROCK
Smoke it up, you're not totally psycho yet!
J
Hey ya know I've got something a lot more fun than weed you can smoke up.
Laughter
Bending down
COFFIN ROCK
Fine...
BLEEP!
BUNKWITCH Grabs J and kisses him on the cheek.
BUNKY
I love you, man.
BLEEP!
CAST
NEPTIN - DUSTIN SHELBY
J
LUNA SEA - LUNA SEA
SHERRIFF DREAM SHADOWS - DREAM SHADOWS
COFFIN ROCK - TINA
GUEST APPEARANCE
BUNKWITCH - STEVEN MEYER
TURNIP SHAPED BITCH - FAT TURNIP SHAPED BITCH
RUSTIN PARR - RUSTIN PARR
PEGGY - HEATHRRRRRR
Written by:
J
Directed and Edited by Steven Meyer & J.
"GOD IS GOD"
PERFORMED AND WRITTEN BY LAIBACH
"STREAMLINED"
PERFORMED AND WRITTEN BY AT THE DRIVE IN
"WITCHCRAFT
PERFORMED BY MISTER FRANK SINATRA, AND ANITA BAKER
"PARANOIA"
PERFORMED AND WRITTEN BY HARVEY DANGER
"YOUTH OF AMERICA"
PERFORMED AND WRITTEN BY BIRDBRAIN
"DAWN OF THE DEAD END THEME"
PERFORMED BY GOBLIN COPYRIGHT 1978
ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK ON FREE DOWNLOAD RECORDS
WRITTEN ON LOCATION AT
SENECA STATE PARK, MONTGOMERY COUNTY SHERRIFS OFFICE.
VEHICLE PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION INC
VIDEO CAMERAS AND EQUIPMENT PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION INC
FILM BY YOUR EYES
COPYRIGHT 2001 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
ALL PERSONS PORTRAYED IN THIS FILM ARE REAL. THOUGH THE STORY IS FICTITIOUS AND CHARACHTER DESCRIPTIONS ARE JUST FUNNY.
